slow to fade…

Dirge without Music

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, — but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

—Edna St. Vincent Millay

.

My mother-in-law sent this to me yesterday, thinking of my family after my grandfather’s death earlier this month.  I couldn’t say it any better, honestly.  I believe that Pop-pop is sleeping in the grave, waiting for the Second Coming when we will all be reunited with loved ones and spend a glorious eternity in heaven with God (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).  I believe this with all my heart, and thank God that he is out of pain now.

But we are left to remember the crinkle in the eyes as he showed us a puzzle, or the timbre of his voice singing or reading the Bible, his wisdom and wit as he led his family (even to the great-grandchildren!) in godly lives, the hands that did many honest days’ work, and the approval shown to any of us who achieved even a small victory.  We remember. We know. And — I am not resigned to their loss.

It seems like a contradiction, really.  But God forbid I, as a Christian, should be resigned to death! Death was not in God’s plan, and He has done everything possible to erase it for us.  The promise of Easter (and Pop-pop died not quite a week after Easter) is that death has no hold on us.  Death is conquered.  It is not forever.  So we should not be resigned, not in that way.  We should fight against death, not in the way Dylan Thomas said — “Rage, rage against the dying of the light,” but fight death every day in our actions, our speech, even our thoughts.  We should strive for heaven– a closer relationship with God, and work to bring His kingdom sooner.  That is how we fight death. For when “death is swallowed up in victory” then John Donne’s poem will also ring true for our hearts — “One short sleep past, we wake eternally,/And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.”

I am not resigned. Praise be to God.

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alternate reality

somewhere

the sun is still shining

and birds, no doubt, are singing

cheerfully

the general population is going through their day

following a plan

running errands and

networking

somewhere, too, children giggle

and lovers

whisper sweet nothings

others fight

and someone, somewhere, is perfectly happy

maybe with coffee and a good book

.

that is there

in that other universe

called reality

.

in my world

i watch the machines

cringe at the beeps

strain to hear a whispered word

try to see familiar features

lost in a face of sickness and

pain

in this world

(it is small)

everything revolves around the numbers on the screen

the inputs and outputs

that tell everything and

not enough

.

in my world today

the hiss of oxygen is turned off

and the machines

silenced

and the heart beats slow

the numbers fall

and my world

stops

.

.

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quiet sleep and a sweet dream

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

— Crossing the Bar — Alfred, Lord Tennyson

.

This post in memory of Richard Nash, Oct. 19, 1927-Apr. 6, 2013, husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great and godly man. Rest in peace, Pop-pop, until Jesus comes again!

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final confrontation

bruised head

coils of darkness writhe around Him

battered and staggering, His sword still raised

He stands in the breach

arms flung wide,

He seems to surrender

.

the lunging snake wildly strikes

fangs sink into His heel

with a fierce blow to its head

evil is pinned

.

in victory His eyes slide closed

“it is finished”

as the defeated serpent hisses

one last time

.

and the light breaks

over His bowed head

.

it is finished

it is finished

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the school bunny

at first you jumped at sudden noises

rattles and bangs

kicking and running futilely forced into a small space

then you learned to know us

our different voices

the scents on our hands

grew used to the vacuum’s roar

and (finally) the abrupt thump of the big trashcan

we learned you too

your moods

the “don’t touch me”

and the “what’s happening out there?”

we dared to pet you

you let us feed you the grass from your bed

we learned you liked dried fruit but

NOT carrots

we tried different times to hold you

and you became accustomed to our arms

till one day we let you run

while we cleaned

and for a few weeks it was a habit to

give you your freedom for an hour or two

and only check to see you weren’t

chewing too much paper

so I have to say I’m glad I wasn’t the one this morning

coming down the hall and realizing the huddle in your box

was too still

and that the quick flick of ears wouldn’t

interrupt the rounded softness

anymore

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lullaby for the fallen

wrap them in peace and shroud them in snow

let pine boughs and windsong whisper of rest

blinding tears freeze on twenty small mounds

so leave them in quiet in a black silent night

.

grief is the darkness fallen at Christmas

our season of joy is heartsick and pain

where is the light of Bethlehem’s star?

where is the song of the angels this night?

.

wrap Him in cloths and lay Him in hay

angels and shepherds whisper of glory

Light of all heaven to shine in our darkness

death touched the Child on that silent night

.

darkness and grief have fallen at Christmas

a Babe took our sorrows and carries our hearts

a cross is the light shining into our darkness

we cling to His peace for our dark, silent night

 

for the children, teachers, and parents of Sandy Hook Elementary

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O come, O come Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o’er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

 O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai’s height,
In ancient times did’st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

*

Even so, Lord Jesus, quickly come.

*

Sandy Hook school shooting

School shootings in the US

School shootings in the world

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Writers’ Almanac: Requiem

Requiem

by Abigail Gramig

Today
is the
perfect day

The sky
just so
clouds moving
fast

Drops of water
on leaves
of Russian sage

Dog sitting
her chin
on crossed paws

Light streams
through branches
of locust tree

I sit
just so
at the
small table

…

Everything is
perfect
just like this
you would have said

“Requiem” by Abigail Gramig, from Dusting the Piano. © Finishing Line Press, 2004. Reprinted with permission.

.

Nothing much to add to this — just wanted to share it.  In memory of all of us who have lost someone we love, and still sometimes turn to tell them something and then remember they’re gone…and those of us who don’t do that anymore.

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lost

we desire life

clinging

digging our nails in we fight and are

overwhelmed

the original hopeless cause

.

we dream fountains and elixirs

everlasting youth

heroes semi-divine

granted immortality

clones

cryogenics

time travel

.

we imagine life after death

zombies

vampires

ghosts

revenants

restless spirits

haunt the

edges

of our minds

(why if we want to live

are our images of

living

after death so

frightening?)

.

or on a religious front we believe

a spirit floats to

heaven or

sinks

to hell

never mind the text

“the dead know

nothing”

.

all this because a

snake

twining around a tree

hissed

“ye shall

not

surely die”

and we swung around

ears pricked and rushed to

death

with hands held out

(forgetting we’d had immortality

before)

.

we will not fathom or accept

the long sleep

the end

so we do cling (self-blinded

stubborn) to a

lie

.

and the snake

laughs

.

.

I believe that when you die, you sleep — no consciousness, no wafting to heaven, nothing.  Your body turns to dust and you know nothing until Jesus’ second coming.  For more in-depth information, feel free to go here or here — a much better explanation than I can give.

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creation

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light…

(from John 1 and 3)

in the beginning

all was darkness

void

empty

alone

then God spoke the Word

Let there be light

and it was so

Light came into the darkness

filled it

created life

and it was good

.

in the fullness of time

the world was weighted with darkness

hatred

anger

evil

human souls were

alone

empty

meaningless

then God spoke

It is time

and it was so

Light shone in the darkness

the Word became flesh

God with us the Light of the world

and it was good

.

one day darkness rose

evil loomed in anger

full of hatred and emptiness

as the sky turned black

they nailed to the cross the Word

alone

the earth shook and God spoke

My God why have you forsaken me

and it was so

when He hung his head and the Light of the world was

extinguished

the Word said It is finished and darkness fell

broken

and it was good

and it was

.

good

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