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Archive for the ‘behavior’ Category

2014-04-27 12.39.51

Sitting here getting ready to do lesson plans for the week before I go play for a funeral.  It’s pouring rain and intermittently thundering, so I’ve unplugged my computer.  I woke up feeling like a truck ran over me — about how I’ve felt every morning for the last two weeks.  I am very tired of being sick.

I laid in bed listening to the rain (I didn’t have to play for church this morning, fortunately) and trying to go back to sleep.  I finally got up and proceeded to bite my husband’s head off when he asked what time the funeral was today.  I apologized soon after, but I’m still feeling sad about it — maybe more guilty because of what he did later.

I apologized while we were eating breakfast and got a hug and a kiss.  After I showered I was feeling more human (don’t you just wish you could stay in the shower when you’re sick?) and I was sitting at my computer trying to start my lesson plans (no, not done yet) and felt a blanket settle around my shoulders. My husband set a lighted candle on my desk and kept pottering around at his desk.  I asked him why he was being nice to me since I’d snapped at him.

He said, “Because I know you’re trying to be good but you don’t feel good.”

Another hug and a kiss on my unhappy head, and he kept doing his thing.  I went to make tea and saw my new cup I got yesterday at the (in)RLMN meetup.

2014-04-27 12.50.47

“Created to be lovely”.

I initially picked that cup because I usually feel anything but lovely.  Except when my husband tells me so.  And then I realized I’d been anything but lovely to him.  He’s got his own set of stress and isn’t feeling top-notch either, but I’d been whining around about how bad I felt and biting him (metaphorically), and hadn’t even asked how he was feeling this morning.

So I’m drinking tea out of this cup and hoping I can ingest a little loveliness of spirit along with the jasmine white…

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dscn3066

I’ve let myself slip over the last six months.  I fell down the stairs at work the first weekend of September, and as soon as I was just feeling like I could get back to my exercise, I had a car accident (mid-October, not my fault) and the subsequent back issues didn’t begin to clear up till Christmas break.  I got a new job (finally!) teaching fourth grade at an inner-city Catholic school — this started two weeks before Christmas break, so with everything, I’m just getting to where I’m feeling caught up with everything there and able to spend some extra time catching up at home.  This includes (unfortunately) diet, exercise, house cleaning, and personal devotions.  Yes, I’ve gained weight since October 6, when I had actually dipped below the 140 mark. 😦

Grades were due for midterms yesterday, so I’m not only caught up on classroom organization, but my grading is not a large pile glaring at me. Just this last week’s worth and a couple tests I had to wait for students to finish.  Plenty, yes, but I should be able to spend time tomorrow doing something else other than either grading or stalling getting started. 🙂

I decided, since the grading is done and Ash Wednesday is this week, I’d start my Lent discipline early — today.  My church doesn’t celebrate Lent, but for the past few years I have used it as a time to discipline myself either with my diet or in my spiritual life.  I’m feeling flabby, both physically and spiritually, so I’m going to try to do both this time.

Starting today, I will:

  • Track my food
  • Exercise at least to 10K steps daily — try to do more on the days I can get to the gym
  • Have personal devotions
  • Keep up with my grading!

I’d like to blog a few times a week too, but I know how that goes, and exercising and planning meals takes a lot of time!  So I will try, but no promises.

In looking for images for Lent, I came across one that pretty well sums up what I think it’s for:

lentmmcIt reminds me of the verse in Psalm 1 about the righteous person — “a tree planted by streams of water…whatever [he] does prospers.”

Prayerfully, I hope what I am trying to do in these next weeks prospers as well.

 

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do April snowstorms bring???

  1. Save money/get out of debt.
    • I will try to do the 52-Week Money Saving Challenge – Had to take the $$ out of that account to pay taxes. 😦
    • Refinance the condo. – Need a job first. Yes.
    • As soon as I get a job (see #3), start smacking money down on our student loan/credit card debts! – I was able to sub about three weeks in April; I get paid for two of those weeks May 3rd, and the CC payments are already set up.  Not a whole lot, but everything will help!
  2. Lose weight. – Starting weight: 141#; Ending weight: 144#.
    • Track my foods. – Maybe a day or two.
    • Exercise (cardio) at least 5 days a week. – I didn’t exercise 5 days the week I was in Tennessee, but the other weeks I did.  I think.  Maybe one week when I was feeling cruddy I didn’t necessarily *go exercise*, but I did get at least 10K steps in on those days, and a couple hit over 15K (even a 20K).
    • Strength train at least 3 days a week. – Rock climbing and yoga — I think one week I fudged a little and only did a few squats one day, but otherwise *much* better.
    • Take the monthly Shrinking Jeans challenges. – I got as far as cutting six challenges up and pasting them together to do as a group.  That doesn’t make sense.  I know what I mean.  Basically I would be doing Day 1 of six challenges all together (like a regular ST routine), then Day 2, etc.  I want to do it this way because I don’t like doing squats 30 days in a row with no breaks in between.  So I’ve decided to do these on the days I don’t do yoga or rock climb.  About 3 days a week.  Once I get through 31 times, then I’ll try a ST routine from one of my magazines or something.  The point is to get a habit going.  Whew!
  3. Get a job.
    • For right now, get on the substitute lists. – Subbed most days I could.
    • Get a summer job. – Applied at about six or seven districts.
    • Get a full-time ESL job for the fall. – Have the license.  Applied at six or seven districts.  Will keep applying through May. Or till I get one.
  4. Get outside more.
    • Run, bike, and rock climb outside (weather permitting). – Walked outside a couple times; ran once (hurt my ankle AGAIN and had to walk back, grr).  Most of the month it was spitting a nasty mix of rain/sleet/snow.  What the radio people called a “slush storm”.  Yeah.  But the couple days it was nice, I did get outside.
    • Work on exploring more of the 60 Hikes in 60 Miles. – Nope.
    • Go camping. – Still waiting for spring…
    • Go to one of the destinations we’ve been wanting to — Ely, Mystery Caves, the Black Hills, Katahdin (if I get to ME this summer) – We didn’t go anywhere.  I went to TN, but nothing cool.  Although it was neat to see some friends, see how the campus had changed, and have a chat with my piano teacher.
  5. Be creative.
    • Blog at least 3x/week. – No, but I did better. Five posts in April, not counting this one, and not counting a couple in the works that will be back-dated.  So that’s a little more than one a week…
    • Finish cross-stitch projects and give to their owners! – No, but I finished the cross-stitching of the one I started Easter weekend and started another one of the same pattern with a color change to give to my grandmother.  I’ll post pics when I’ve gotten them both a little more finished.
    • Finish Jon and Ali’s quilt. – Didn’t touch it.
    • Practice the piano more. – I didn’t practice. At all.
  6. Spend more time with friends and family.
    • Do fun things with Kent. – We went rock climbing every Saturday night, with friends every time I think.  We also went to a concert — Britten’s “War Requiem” — awesome!  That was with a friend too and we had supper beforehand.
    • Get together with friends at least once a month for games or other event. – See above.  I also met up with a friend to walk the mall one day, and we met a couple other friends to chat at a restaurant (they ate; we didn’t).
    • Call my friends who live far away — one per week. – I did talk to one friend.  That’s one more than last month!
    • Write a note to someone every week. – I have the notes to write.  Didn’t write them yet.  A couple other friends lost family members in the last week, so that’s what they’re for.
  7. Spend more quality time with God.
    • Have real devotions every day. – I was more consistent, and was reading from the study books I have for the Bible study I help lead every weekend, but that’s a different focus.  I am really short on time and sleep, though, so maybe that will have to be enough for now.
    • Memorize at least 1 Bible verse every day. – I didn’t get 30, nor did I do it every day, but I memorized the rest of Romans 1 the last week and a half of April — verses 18-32.  Gonna start Romans 2 in May. 🙂
    • Pray every day! – I did pray, but more when I needed something than to just talk with God.  I did thank Him several times just out of the blue for nice things, but it was hard to feel thankful with the weather the way it was. I guess I need to work on that.

April was a really odd month for me.  I started out, of course, in TN spending time in the hospital with my grandfather, who died the day after I left to come home.  So April has been a month of thinking about grief and mortality, shedding tears at odd times for no particular reason (or for a reason — during Britten’s “War Requiem” — it was cathartic), and reconnecting with family members.  I may not have called friends, but I talked to my mom, my aunt, my brothers, and my grandmother more than usual. Even my mother-in-law got a lot more calls.

I was pleased that I had held my weight from the end of February (141#) through about the middle of April, though I was eating a lot of sugar and not necessarily exercising the way I should.  The last week or so I gained three pounds and started feeling really *fat* and flabby (without knowing how much I’d gained).  It was interesting to note that, actually, because I had laughed at a really skinny friend in Bangkok who used to complain that she’d gained a kilo (about 2.2#), because I thought it was such a small amount you wouldn’t notice.  Now I know you can tell even that small amount, when you are close to the weight you should be.  I’m planning on stepping up my strength training (see 2.4 above), so hopefully I should be seeing more progress in the right area soon!

In addition to subbing, I also did a focus group on how I use the library (lol) and picked up a homebound student for tutoring. I’ve seen her twice this week and will be seeing her till school gets out, about five hours a week, to try to get her graduated from eighth grade.  So that’s some extra money.  We’re really short this month but I am trying to get on top of it.  Kent will be out of school the middle of May and I hope he can find something this summer that will pay a decent amount.

In other news, I managed to get the house more or less cleaned up on the days I didn’t sub, and undecorated the Christmas tree today and got all the decorations in their boxes and by the door to go down.  The tree itself is still up but Kent said he’d maybe get to it Thursday or Friday.  But the bathrooms have been cleaned in living memory, and the floor has been vacuumed at least once if not twice, and *most* of the laundry is off the floor.  We sound like slobs, and we actually don’t mean to be, but the schedules we’ve been keeping are rather horrendous.  But if I can keep more or less on top of it, then it is at least manageable in the odd half hour here and there.

So that’s April for you — small improvements, and hope for the next month.  See you then!

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Here goes…

  1. Save money/get out of debt.
    • I will try to do the 52-Week Money Saving Challenge – Just the bare minimum.
    • Refinance the condo. – Need a job first.
    • As soon as I get a job (see #3), start smacking money down on our student loan/credit card debts! – I was able to sub one more day, so no.
  2. Lose weight. – Starting weight: 152#; Ending weight: 145#.
    • Track my foods. – Did it half the month.
    • Exercise (cardio) at least 5 days a week. – Did for one week.  Then it was more like one day (or none).
    • Strength train at least 3 days a week. – Yoga a couple times, then nothing.
    • Take the monthly Shrinking Jeans challenges. – No. I meant to. Didn’t get that far…
  3. Get a job.
    • For right now, get on the substitute lists. – Subbed one day.
    • Finish practicum (waiting on a placement STILL!) – Finished! Did the exit interview and just waiting for the license.
    • Get a summer job. – Can’t do that yet.
    • Get a full-time ESL job for the fall. – That either.  License applied for though!
  4. Get outside more.
    • Run, bike, and rock climb outside (weather permitting). – Ran in the gym at home a couple times.  Climbed once.  In AZ, though, I ran outside one day, hiked a couple days, and walked too.  I could get used to 90 degrees in the middle of March…just sayin’…
    • Work on exploring more of the 60 Hikes in 60 Miles. – Nope.
    • Go camping. – Yeah. Let’s wait for spring…
    • Go to one of the destinations we’ve been wanting to — Ely, Mystery Caves, the Black Hills, Katahdin (if I get to ME this summer) – I don’t know that Sedona was on the list, but it’s definitely on my “return” list now!!  It was amazingly beautiful and fun to hike there.  I’ll try to post some pictures soon…
  5. Be creative.
    • Blog at least 3x/week. – Obviously not.
    • Finish cross-stitch projects and give to their owners! – No, but I started a new one Easter Sabbath….
    • Finish Jon and Ali’s quilt. – Didn’t touch it.
    • Practice the piano more. – I played, but didn’t practice.
  6. Spend more time with friends and family.
    • Do fun things with Kent. – We went rock climbing once.  And of course we had a week in AZ with his mom. He was sick, so he wasn’t much fun otherwise…
    • Get together with friends at least once a month for games or other event. – We played games one Saturday night with friends, climbed the one time with a friend, and I spent a day with a different friend finalizing her wedding dress and trying on bridesmaid dresses for her to see.
    • Call my friends who live far away — one per week. – Oops.
    • Write a note to someone every week. – Thought about it but didn’t.
  7. Spend more quality time with God.
    • Have real devotions every day. – I did a little better, but I need to somehow do it in the morning.  I’m too tired at night, but I can’t seem to get to bed (or sleep) early enough to get up.
    • Memorize at least 1 Bible verse every day. – I meant to memorize Isaiah 53 Easter week but I forgot.
    • Pray every day! – I did pray, and even remembered to give thanks, but not as meaningfully, often, or long as I probably should.
    • I did do one thing that was really good — I went to a Christian women’s conference the first weekend of March.  Ann Voskamp spoke, and I really enjoyed everything she said.  The other speakers and workshops were great too.

March was really hectic.  The first two weeks were finishing my practicum; then I had one day to regroup and we left for AZ.  Kent’s mom had a busy touring schedule (which we left some things off, out of sheer exhaustion on both our parts), and we came back with one week left of March.  Easter week — for anyone who is a church musician, “Hell Week”.  It wasn’t so bad, but considering Kent had been sick before we left, gotten behind on homework, and wanted me to take most of the hours at the church, it could have been better.  I was hoping April would be better, but I got a phone call Good Friday saying my grandfather was very sick in the hospital and not expected to survive long.  So April 2 I’m flying down to Tennessee to spend a few days with him.  My “be good” April plans are going to have to wait.  That’s life, I guess.  I’ll be as good as I can.

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Here goes…

  1. Save money/get out of debt.
    • I will try to do the 52-Week Money Saving Challenge – I had to pare down on some of those automatic deductions, but I still managed to put some money in savings.
    • Refinance the condo. – Nope.  Actually, can’t do this till I get a job. But it’s still messy. Worse, since I started my practicum President’s Day.
    • As soon as I get a job (see #3), start smacking money down on our student loan/credit card debts! – I did get to substitute one day before starting my practicum…
  2. Lose weight. – Starting weight: 145#; Ending weight: 141#.
    • Track my foods. – Did the Diet Bet — not doing that again, but it did work.  Too much stress though!
    • Exercise (cardio) at least 5 days a week. – I think I exercised at least 6 days a week, and found out that doing yoga after running helps A LOT with my sore legs.  I tried to get 10K steps in every day.
    • Strength train at least 3 days a week. – Wasn’t as good as I meant to be, but I did get into a routine with yoga at least 2 days a week.
    • Take the monthly Shrinking Jeans challenges. – Yeah.  Didn’t do that.
  3. Get a job.
    • For right now, get on the substitute lists. – Subbed one day
    • Finish practicum (waiting on a placement STILL!) –Started President’s Day (because of red tape) and will be done in March.
    • Get a summer job. – Can’t do that yet.
    • Get a full-time ESL job for the fall. – That either.  But I will apply for licensure the second I finish that practicum!!!
  4. Get outside more.
    • Run, bike, and rock climb outside (weather permitting). – I ran outside a couple days, but mostly inside. I did rock climb a few times at Vertical Endeavors, but that wasn’t outside.  I am improving in that, though — I was able to do a couple 5.9 climbs! 🙂
    • Work on exploring more of the 60 Hikes in 60 Miles. – Not till the weather improves…
    • Go camping. – See above.
    • Go to one of the destinations we’ve been wanting to — Ely, Mystery Caves, the Black Hills, Katahdin (if I get to ME this summer) – We are going to AZ for sure on spring break, and Kent’s mom will take us to Sedona (red rock country).
  5. Be creative.
    • Blog at least 3x/week. – No. Not at all.
    • Finish cross-stitch projects and give to their owners! – No. Ditto.
    • Finish Jon and Ali’s quilt. – Didn’t happen.
    • Practice the piano more. – Um, nope.
  6. Spend more time with friends and family.
    • Do fun things with Kent. – We went rock climbing, 4 or 5x.
    • Get together with friends at least once a month for games or other event. – We rock climbed with friends, and one night I went to Sky Zone (a trampoline place) for tramp-aerobics.
    • Call my friends who live far away — one per week. – Forgot.
    • Write a note to someone every week. – I was going to….
  7. Spend more quality time with God.
    • Have real devotions every day. – I still need to work on that.  I have been doing *something* every day, but not necessarily hard-core.
    • Memorize at least 1 Bible verse every day. – I memorized ten more verses from Romans 1.  In the beginning of the month.
    • Pray every day! – I did a little. Not really a habit, or taking the time, maybe.

Given the fact I’m writing this in April, it’s obvious February (and March) swept me up and threw me out.  I’ll write more about that in March’s check-in.  I just hope everything’s more or less back to normal now…These really are things I want to do/get better at.  In my mind I am taking it seriously, but every day, something happens and I don’t do what I mean to do.

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So I gave myself a lot of goals in January, not to mention those 101 Things in the back of my mind…

I think checking in monthly will help me keep on target.  Maybe even more often just for myself, but I’ll keep it monthly here.

Here goes…

  1. Save money/get out of debt.
    • I will try to do the 52-Week Money Saving Challenge – I set up automatic deductions into a savings account.  Now I just need to make some money! Ha.
    • Refinance the condo. – Still messy.  Not able to do that!
    • As soon as I get a job (see #3), start smacking money down on our student loan/credit card debts! – No job yet.  But I am on the sub lists!
  2. Lose weight. – Starting weight: 152#; Ending weight: 145#.
    • Track my foods. – Um, yeah. Didn’t do that.  I did start doing it again yesterday though!
    • Exercise (cardio) at least 5 days a week. – I did do that!  I tried to go for 6 or 7 days, actually.  There were some weeks I only did three or four, so I guess I didn’t do as well as I’d thought.
    • Strength train at least 3 days a week. – Still didn’t do that.  1 or 2 was the average.  Or none.
    • Take the monthly Shrinking Jeans challenges. – I got 15 days done on January’s Abs challenge.  I’m going to keep doing it in Feb. till I finish though, along with the Feb. one.  Yes I am!
  3. Get a job.
    • For right now, get on the substitute lists. – On several of them.
    • Finish practicum (waiting on a placement STILL!) – I have a placement and should be starting next week! *knock on wood*
    • Get a summer job. – Can’t do that yet.
    • Get a full-time ESL job for the fall. – That either.  But I will apply for licensure the second I finish that practicum (should be the last week of Feb.)
  4. Get outside more.
    • Run, bike, and rock climb outside (weather permitting). – I did run one day outside, and found out what was causing my ankle problem.  I did rock climb three times at Vertical Endeavors, but that wasn’t outside.  I took several walks with Kent outside though.  It’s been stupid cold.
    • Work on exploring more of the 60 Hikes in 60 Miles. – I’m going to wait for either more snow (so I can snowshoe) or less cold.
    • Go camping. – See above.
    • Go to one of the destinations we’ve been wanting to — Ely, Mystery Caves, the Black Hills, Katahdin (if I get to ME this summer) – I talked with friends about planning a trip to Mystery Caves in May or June.  And Kent and I are thinking to head up to Ely on a long weekend once the weather’s better.  Not sure about the others, but we are going to AZ on spring break, and Kent’s mom will take us to Sedona.
  5. Be creative.
    • Blog at least 3x/week. – No.  I’ll keep trying though!
    • Finish cross-stitch projects and give to their owners! – No. Ditto.
    • Finish Jon and Ali’s quilt. – I need to have a different table.  I’m thinking about using the one in the library or parlor at Aldersgate.  But I need to finish the practicum first.
    • Practice the piano more. – Forgot about that.
  6. Spend more time with friends and family.
    • Do fun things with Kent. – We went rock climbing, 3x.  He wasn’t up for much this month because he was sick.  But we did watch three seasons of “Are You Being Served?”  I think that counts. 🙂
    • Get together with friends at least once a month for games or other event. – We played games one Sunday night with friends, and last Saturday night we went to MCA for the WinterFest.
    • Call my friends who live far away — one per week. – Forgot.
    • Write a note to someone every week. – Thought about it but didn’t.
  7. Spend more quality time with God.
    • Have real devotions every day. – I read chapters in a book but I didn’t do any journaling, and some of those chapters were “quick hurry it’s late and I want to sleep!”  So, I need to work on that one.
    • Memorize at least 1 Bible verse every day. – I memorized ten verses from Romans 1.  Gotta keep working on that.  I like Scripture Typer though!
    • Pray every day! – I did some days, kind of a quick “thanks for that”, but nothing meaningful.

I think it’s good to check in — I’d forgotten about some of these — oops!

I am surprised how vulnerable some of those made me feel, to admit I did or didn’t do something.  Like the praying one, or the one about my messy house.  I think those areas of our lives are places we like to “cover over when company comes” and pretend everything’s awesome.  I can see the power of being accountable, even if no one is going to shake fingers and say “bad girl!”  Just admitting my less-than-stellar performance in certain areas is difficult.  Hopefully it’s enough to help me do better!

On to February!

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I have to laugh, actually, because in Googling “new years resolution” under Google Images, half of them were cartoons (of course), and the rest were pretty similar to my own mental list.  Evidently we’re all alike in what we want for ourselves.  And in how we are (un)able to keep our resolutions!

My goals are pretty much the same as they are every month on HealthMonth: Eat less junk, lose weight, have devotions, and take better care of myself (sleep, healthy habits, etc.).  Nothing new, really.  But there’s something nice about a new year to give an extra boost to the things I already try to do.  So I’ll plot it out nicely on this blog and then check up on myself next Dec. 31 — hopefully I’ll be able to make some different goals by then!

  1. Save money/get out of debt.
    • I will try to do the 52-Week Money Saving Challenge
    • Refinance the condo.
    • As soon as I get a job (see #3), start smacking money down on our student loan/credit card debts!
  2. Lose weight.
    • Track my foods.
    • Exercise (cardio) at least 5 days a week.
    • Strength train at least 3 days a week.
    • Take the monthly Shrinking Jeans challenges.
  3. Get a job.
    • For right now, get on the substitute lists.
    • Finish practicum (waiting on a placement STILL!)
    • Get a summer job.
    • Get a full-time ESL job for the fall.
  4. Get outside more.
    • Run, bike, and rock climb outside (weather permitting).
    • Work on exploring more of the 60 Hikes in 60 Miles.
    • Go camping.
    • Go to one of the destinations we’ve been wanting to — Ely, Mystery Caves, the Black Hills, Katahdin (if I get to ME this summer)
  5. Be creative.
    • Blog at least 3x/week.
    • Finish cross-stitch projects and give to their owners!
    • Finish Jon and Ali’s quilt.
    • Practice the piano more.
  6. Spend more time with friends and family.
    • Do fun things with Kent.
    • Get together with friends at least once a month for games or other event.
    • Call my friends who live far away — one per week.
    • Write a note to someone every week.
  7. Spend more quality time with God.
    • Have real devotions every day.
    • Memorize at least 1 Bible verse every day.
    • Pray every day!

Obviously, if I do these things, I will be very happy this year!  Although I will have to not read 700 books in 2013 like I did in 2012 – though I would like to get rid of the oldest books on my TBR list on Goodreads

And of course, there is always my 101 Things list — which I have been working on, slowly!

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